How to deal with lying child and why does he lie?

Children lie for many reasons. They may be trying to avoid punishment, get out of trouble, or protect themselves from embarrassment.

This doesn’t mean that your child will grow up to be a pathological liar. Even if you have a chronic prevaricator, there are some easy steps that can help you with your concerns regarding how to deal with lying child.

Why do kids lie?

Before knowing about how to deal with a lying child, you must be clear about why your kid lies. This will help you to better deal with this behavior.

There can be a few reasons for this, like because of low self-esteem, or they don’t want to be in trouble or hurt someone! or they are in need of something and that’s why not telling truth!

To put this short, there can be two main reasons!

Protection – Children lie to protect themselves from being punished, embarrassed, or bullied. This is why they may claim that ‘I didn’t break it’ even though you know they did or say ‘ I was with my friends’ when actually their friend’s mom dropped them off at the movies.

Privacy – Sometimes children want to keep things private so they will say ‘I don’t know when you ask them a question and then come up with a story later.

Unfortunately, children who lie to avoid scenarios like these usually feel bad afterward and may start to distrust both themselves and others. That’s why it is so important for parents to know how to deal with lying child in simple, direct ways.

How to deal with a lying child? | Tips at a glance

  1. When your child lies, don’t overreact or get into a “How could you?” conversation or lecture.
  2. Don’t ask leading questions that encourage your child to lie because you think the truth would be too harsh. For example, if he has just smeared mud all over the living room wall and you ask, “Did you do that?” he is likely to lie because he knows what happened. Instead say, “I saw the mud on the wall” or simply, “You made a mess in here.”
  3. Do acknowledge your child’s feelings. If appropriate for his age and emotional development, acknowledge that it’s OK to be angry or sad about a situation even if he doesn’t like the consequences.
  4. Don’t beg your child to tell you something. This will make him feel responsible for what happened and may cause him to lie even more.
  5. When possible, provide a logical consequence for lying instead of punishment.

Underneath are a few nifty tips that I believe will be helpful to deal with your lying child.

7 Tips on How to deal with lying child

How to deal with lying child

1. Don’t overreact

I know it is hard when our kids act like everything is fine when clearly they are very disturbed.  It’s not easy to hide our anger, frustration, and disappointment at their lies but not controlling our emotions will make the situation worse.

Next time your child shows his/her deception inside you, take a deep breath and count to ten.  Make sure your face doesn’t show anything as it will make the kid realize that he/she has been busted and this will encourage them to lie more.

2. Acknowledge feelings

When we acknowledge feelings we let our kids know that we are aware of their displeasure, pain, grief, etc. This will encourage them to express their feelings rather than keep them inside.

3. Get your child involved in the punishment process

get kid involve in punishment process

Don’t give up on your child with too many punishments because he/she will eventually lose respect for you and it won’t work out in the long run.  Instead, get your child involved in the punishment process which will make him/her more responsible.

4. Don’t force apologies

Don’t force kids to apologize using any threats because they’ll learn to say sorry only if they are forced and it won’t be sincere.  The best way is to teach them how an apology should be.

This method will work for kids, especially tweens and teens who are on the rebellious age.  Don’t get all worked up when they refuse to apologize because this often leads to more arguing which just makes kids stubborn.  Instead, look at how your actions might have influenced their behavior.  When they realize that their behavior has influenced you, they will be more willing to apologize.

5. Don’t ask too many questions

This is a gentle approach that usually applies to attention-seeking lies.

I know it’s tempting to ask our kids why did you lie?

But, asking them so many questions at this moment will just encourage them to lie more.  When they see that you are mostly interested in the whys and whats of their lies, they’ll be tempted to lie even more.

For instance, if they say, “I scored the highest in exams” and you already knew that it’s a lie, still! don’t ask follow-up questions to try to know the truth from their mouth. Instead, the better approach would be to ignore it.

6. Take responsibility for your habits

This can be one of my best tips for you on how to deal with lying child. We all have bad habits that we try to blame on our kids.  Taking responsibility for our bad habits is good but constantly blaming your kid for what you do wrong, will make them resent you and lying might be a way of getting back at you.

7. Give advice if asked

Giving advice when it is sought out can make a child trust us more because we are not forcing it on them.  I asked about school work, we can offer our advice and if it is sought out we can enclose information to the kid explaining how he/she should do it correctly in the future.

Encouraging your child to speak the truth

Lying can be harmful to your child’s development so here are the tips that you can acquire to encourage your kids to speak the truth.

Encouraging your child to speak the truth

1. Teach your child the importance of honesty

2. Explain the consequences of lying

3. Encourage your child to speak the truth by always helping them to get out of problems

4. Reward your child for telling the truth

5. Follow through on consequences

6. Give your child time to think about lying and tell the truth

7. Set a good example by being honest yourself

8. Don’t blame your child for what happens when they’re caught in a lie

9. Believe what your kid is saying and don’t accuse them of lying

Also Checkout: Dealing with sulking kids

Concluding remarks

If you’re really serious about how to deal with a lying child? Honesty is one of the most important values that you can teach your children. It not only builds trust within relationships but also teaches them how to be responsible and accountable for their own actions. When children learn to lie, they often do so as a way of avoiding punishment or getting out of trouble. 

As parents, it’s important to be aware of the consequences of lying and stay consistent with following through on punishments. We should also encourage our kids to speak the truth by setting a good example ourselves and being honest in our interactions with them. 

Ultimately, teaching our children to be truthful will help build strong character foundations that will serve them well throughout life.

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